


Deviants Chatroom - Detroit: Become Human Chatfic

by creamkxtt



Category: Detroit: Become Human (Video Game)
Genre: ??????, Angst, Bad Jokes, Chatting & Messaging, Christmas, Christmas Fluff, Connor & Upgraded Connor | RK900 are Siblings, Connor Gets Drunk, Crack, Deviant Connor (Detroit: Become Human), Deviant Upgraded Connor | RK900, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Everyone's happy!!!, Gavin Reed Being an Asshole, Gay Disaster Gavin Reed, Halloween, Halloween Costumes, Hank Anderson & Connor Parent-Child Relationship, Hank Anderson Adopts Connor, Hank Tries Teaching Connor Memes, Holidays, How is that not a tag, I think thatd hurt/comfort at least???????, Implied Reed900, Kaomojis, M/M, MORE SIMARKUS, Memes, Multi, Sneak Peek, Suggestive Themes, THE REED900 STRENGTHENS, Top/Bottom Talk, Tsundere Gavin Reed, Tumblr Memes, all hell breaks loose when you give them a chatroom, although hes. Trying to be nice because of the apparent New Established Rule(tm) in the chatroom, g a y n e s s, im unfunny, just the usual, oh god you know how that goes., positivity, probably a lot of ooc stuff, ralph joins the squad hell yea, rllllly subtle reed900 bc why not, simon and markus are gay here too oh yeah., skeleton war, the simarkus strengthens, they talk about top/bottom dynamics near the end of chatlog 5, vine references
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-09-11
Updated: 2019-01-23
Packaged: 2019-07-10 12:31:40
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 8
Words: 11,081
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15949409
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/creamkxtt/pseuds/creamkxtt
Summary: What happens when you give deviants (plus Hank) a chatroom, their very own to mess around in?Hell.Hell happens.





	1. 1 - It All Starts Here

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> warning: unfunny jokes, robo squad, and jerichoism incoming
> 
> this is trash and yet i still make it. hey if any of my friends reading this wants to help me make this hmu.

**[ THIS CHATROOM WAS CREATED ON DECEMBER 9TH, 2038 AT 11:23:45 PM** ]  
  
[ **Connor has logged on ]**  
  
**Connor:** What's this? I don't recall signing up for this...  
  
**[ Hank has logged on ]**  
  
**Hank:** alright which one of you androids did this, its too late for this  
  
**[ Conan/RK900 has logged on]  
**  
**Conan:** Definitely not me...  
  
**Connor:** Hello, Hank! Hello, Conan!  
  
**Conan:** Hello, Connor.  
  
**[ Markus has logged on ]**  
  
**Connor:** Oh, Markus is here too?  
  
**Hank:** hell yeah it's robo-jesus.  
  
**Markus:** Robo-Jesus...? I wouldn't... quite be considered as so...  
  
**[ North has logged on ]**  
  
**North:** Of course you'd be robo-jesus, you pretty much saved the whole android race, making you our savior. Bam, Robo-Jesus.  
  
**Markus:** Oh hello, North.  
  
**North:** Hello ♡  
  
**Conan:** So... is there anyone else coming?  
  
**Connor:** If I'm correct, there must be a few more people joining...  
  
**Hank:** if i am the only human here i swear to god.  
  
**Conan:** I checked the invited list... Simon, Josh, Kara, and Luther are yet to come.  
  
**Hank:** are they all androids  
  
**Connor:** Yes, Lieutenant.  
  
**Hank:** _oh my god i am the only human here._  
  
**[ Simon has logged on ]**  
  
**Markus:** Hey Simon!  
  
**Simon:** Hi, Markus!  
  
**North:** oh so he gets an enthusiastic greeting while all i get is "oh hello north"? i see how it is smh smh  
  
**Hank:** it be like that sometimes  
  
**Markus:** What do you even mean...?  
  
**Connor:** Nevermind that... so there's only Josh, Kara, and Luther left to join, right?  
  
**North:** Yeah I guess.  
  
**Hank:** do you guys need a lesson on memes  
  
**Conan:** Memes...?  
  
**Hank:** oh my GOD how do all of you not know any memes.  
  
**North:** i do  
  
**Hank:** yeah you do north.  
  
**Markus:** What are these... memes?  
  
**Simon:** Hey Markus you're a great friend an all but how do you not know memes.  
**  
****Connor:** I recall that Lieutenant has brought up these... "memes" before...  
  
**Markus:** I may be Robo-Jesus but I don't know everything.  
**  
****North:** is robo-jesus going to be markus's new nickname  
  
**Hank:** yes.  
  
**[ Markus has changed his nickname to 'Robo-Jesus' ]**  
  
**Simon:** _He actually did it--_  
  
**Conan:** what an absolute madman--  
  
**Hank:** conan what i thought you didnt know any memes at all  
  
**Conan:** I did research, Lieutenant.  
  
**[ Kara has logged on ]**  
  
**Kara:** Hello everyone! Alice is asleep right now, and Luther is staying with her for now, so I thought I might as well drop in here!  
  
**Hank:** hey, aren't you the one deviant that me and connor chased like... a month ago?  
  
**Kara:** I'd rather not talk about that...  
**  
****Robo-Jesus:** Hello, Kara. How are you at Canada?  
  
**Kara:** Good, we made it there safely! We already have our own place to stay now...!  
  
**Robo-Jesus:** Good to know.  
  
**Connor:** Hi, Kara!  
  
**Kara:** Hello, Connor! The others are here too, I see?  
  
**North:** well aint that obvious.  
  
**Simon:** Hey Kara, glad to know you made it over to Canada safely.  
  
**Kara:** Thank you, Simon!  
  
**Kara:** Also, can someone tell me why Markus is named 'Robo-Jesus'?  
  
**Simon:** because he pretty much is robo-jesus, once you think about it  
  
**Conan:** Simon does have a point... Plus, it's a recurring 'joke' in this chatroom already.  
  
**Connor:** It's accurate.  
  
**Hank:** sure is.  
  
**North:** If Markus is Robo-Jesus, what would this religion be called?  
  
**Hank:** jerichoism  
  
**Connor:** I'd prefer we stick with deviancy for now.  
**  
****Simon:** jerichoism. connor, we are calling it jerichoism from now on  
  
**Connor:** Oh... I see. Well, I guess that's what we're referring it to now...  
  
**Conan:** Jerichoism... I'd rather stick with deviancy, but I can, as they say, 'roll with' the term Jerichoism for now.  
  
**North:** HELL YEAH JERICHOISM  
**  
[ Hank has changed the chatroom name to "jerichoism" ]**  
  
**Kara:** I hope you don't mind me asking, but... What exactly is happening right now?  
  
**Robo-Jesus:** I'd ask the same thing, but I get the context.  
  
**Connor:** Jerichoism is happening, Kara.  
  
**Hank:** hell yeah we got robo-jesus and jerichoism now.  
  
**Robo-Jesus:** If I'm Robo-Jesus, what would that make Kara and Connor?  
  
**North:** Kara is probably Robo-Mom.  
  
**Simon:** ^^^^^  
  
**Kara:** Robo-Mom?  
  
**Conan:** I mean, given the fact that you already have a family, and you have Alice as your child, and also the fact you act very mother-like, you'd be fitting for the title of Robo-Mom.  
  
**Connor:** I agree with Conan!

 **North:** robo-mom _now--_  
  
**Kara:** I guess you all have a point...  
  
**[ Kara has changed her nickname to 'Robo-Mom' ]**  
  
**Hank:** there it is.  
  
**Conan:** Now what about Connor?  
  
**North:** _the android sent by cyberlife_  
  
**Hank:** probably plastic rent-a-cop or something  
  
**Robo-Mom:** Robo... cop...? Maybe?  
  
**Simon:** its either plastic rent-a-cop or robo-cop  
  
**Robo-Jesus:** I'd say go with Robo-Cop since it fits the ongoing 'Robo-' theme.  
  
**Connor:** I guess that works? I'd rather not be referred to as 'Plastic Rent-a-Cop'...  
  
**Hank:** damn  
  
**North:** smh i thought my joke was good    
  
**Conan:** Well, he _is_ the android sent by Cyberlife.  
  
**Connor:** Only now I realize how many times I've said that.  
  
**Hank:**   _FINALLY_  
**  
** **North:** anyways, you gonna change your nickname or what, connor?  
  
**Connor:** I will! I just can't seem to find the change nickname button...  
  
**Conan:** Hold on, let me help.  
  
**[ Conan has changed Connor's nickname to 'Robo-Cop' ]**  
  
**Robo-Cop:** Thanks, Conan!  
  
**Conan:** No problem.  
  
**Hank:** connor, the change nickname button shows up when you press the three circles in the corner of the chatroom, you are an idiot  
  
**Robo-Cop:** ... Oh. I see. I'm sorry, Lieutenant.  
  
**Hank:** no need to apologize  
**  
** **North:** oh yknow just a father and his two sons  
  
**Hank:** who said i ever adopted these two  
  
**Simon:** we say so now. adopt them. make them your sons.  
  
**Hank:** no  
  
**Robo-Cop:**  
  
**Robo-Cop:** :(  
  
**North:** look at what you've done hank  
  
**Hank:** wait _fuck_ connor's crying and conan seems disappointed i change my mind i adopt them--  
  
**Robo-Jesus:** Thank you.  
  
**Simon:** we never make connor or conan cry in this house, if this happens again we're gonna have a problem with someone  
  
**North:** yes exactly.  
  
**Robo-Cop:** I guess this makes me and Conan official brothers now?  
  
**Conan:** I figure so...  
  
**Robo-Mom:** Looks like there's another android family now~!  
  
**Hank:** shut up, they don't need to call me their dad, just because im adopting them doesnt mean im their dad  
  
**Robo-Cop:** I'd still like to call you Dad sometimes though, Lieutenant!  
**  
** **Conan:** I would not mind calling Hank my 'dad'...  
  
**Robo-Jesus:** Look at that, you're their dad now, Hank. Have fun being a father to those two.  
  
**Hank:**  goddamnit--  
**  
** **Robo-Mom:** It's getting late... I should probably go to check on Alice with Luther. It was nice seeing this chatroom unfold, I will see you all tomorrow!  
  
**[ Robo-Mom has logged out. ]**  
  
**Hank:** yeah i should probably sleep too. goodnight everyone, connor and conan you two better 'sleep' too.  
  
**Robo-Cop:** Okay, Lieutenant! Goodnight, everyone!  
  
**Conan:** Goodnight.  
  
**[ Hank has logged out. ]  
  
[ Robo-Cop has logged out. ]  
  
[ Conan has logged out. ]**  
  
**Robo-Jesus:** I guess it's just us three now. Looks like Josh is probably coming tomorrow.  
  
**Simon:** Looks like it.  
  
**North:** yeah alright, i might stay up memeing a bit more but not here, so im logging out for the time being. night markus ♡  
  
**Robo-Jesus:** Goodnight, North.

**[ North has logged out. ]**

**Simon:** I guess that just makes it the two of us now?

 **Robo-Jesus:** It seems so. I’ll stay a bit longer, I don’t really have anything else to do anyways.

 **Simon:** I’ll stay with you, Markus. I don’t want to leave you alone, after all.

 **Robo-Jesus:** Thanks, Simon.

 **Simon:** No problem, Robo-Jesus.

 **Robo-Jesus:** I almost forgot about that.

 **Simon:** i’m never letting it die. jerichoism lives on.

 **Robo-Jesus:** That too.

 **Simon:** :))


	2. 2 - Are Androids Gay? Possibly.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hELLO AGAINNNN-- this one has a bit more gay, but no official simarkus here... yet. soon, i promise you ;) this time we're discussing gay androids and josh has joined the squad. there's also uhhhhhhh a not-really-uninvited guest, lets say. i don't know how to do this im sorry--

**[ DECEMBER 10th, 2038, 06:57:32 AM ]**

**[ Robo-Cop has logged on. ]**

**[ Conan has logged on. ]**

**Conan:** Good morning.

 **Robo-Cop:** Hello! Is anyone here?

 **Simon:** me and markus are here

 **Robo-Jesus:** Hello, Connor. Hello, Conan.

 **Robo-Cop:** Good morning to the two of you! The chat logs say you've stayed logged in since last night, right?

 **Simon:** yea, but we ended up passing out on each other. markus passed out first lmao

 **Robo-Jesus:** Simon! I felt tired, okay? I didn't want to leave you, though...

 **Conan:** That's 'gay', if that's what they call it.

 **Simon:** oh mg god _cONAN_

**[ Robo-Jesus has logged out. ]**

**Simon:** MARKUS NOOOO DONT LEAVE--

 **Conan:** I'm sorry. Was it the joke I made?

 **Robo-Cop:** Maybe...

**[ Robo-Jesus has logged on. ]**

**Conan:** I am sorry, Markus. My joke must've been very... offensive if I have caused you to leave for a moment there.

 **Robo-Jesus:** It's okay, just a bit embarrassing, that's all.

**[ Josh has logged on. ]**

**Robo-Cop:** Oh! Hello, Josh! You've finally logged on!

 **Simon:** about time, welcome to jerichoism hell josh

 **Robo-Jesus:** Hey, Josh. 

 **Conan:** Greetings.

 **Josh:** Hey, you guys!

 **Josh:** Also, Simon, Markus is Robo-Jesus, so wouldn't it make this jerichoism heaven?

  **Simon:** yes, but this chatroom is already full of sin and memes so unholy it's converted to hell.

 **Josh:** Ooookay then.

 **Robo-Cop:** It's called 'cursed.'

 **Conan:** I'd say 'cursed' is a good word to describe this chatroom already.

 **Robo-Jesus:** Definitely cursed.

**[ North has logged on ]**

**North:** not as cursed as every single bonfire meme compilation.

 **Simon:** no, this is more cursed than that, north

 **North:** also stop trying to steal my bf simon--

 **Robo-Cop:** Who ever said that Simon was trying to steal Markus from you?

 **Josh:** ooOKAY NORTH, how about we  _n o t_ go through this again--

 **Conan:** Again...?

 **Robo-Jesus:** Please, North, how about we don't start this again for, like, the 50th time?

 **North:** okay fine you're safe for now simon, but the next time you try it

**[ North has sent an image. ]**

**North:** _i'll cut ur throat_

**Simon: MARKUS PLEASE TELL HER TO CALM DOWN NEVER HAVE I EVER FELT MORE INTIMIDATED BY AN IMAGE OF A PLUSH DUCK HOLDING A KNIFE--**

**Robo-Jesus:** North, please.

 **North:** fine.

 **Robo-Cop:** Me and Conan assume that this has happened... more than once?

 **Josh:** It's almost a daily thing.

**[ Hank has logged on. ]**

**Robo-Cop:** Good morning, dad!

 **Hank:** connor please

 **Conan:** Good morning, dad.

 **Josh:** Looks like they've already taken to calling you dad, Hank.

 **Hank:** _i never agreed to them calling me dad--_

 **North:** you adopted them though, soooo

 **Hank:** _who said i ever adopted them in a father/son way_

 **Conan:** So... you are saying you adopted us in... more of a domestic house pet way? Like a dog?

 **Hank:** idk i guess.

 **Robo-Cop:** I like dogs!

 **Simon:** we know you do connor

**[ Gavin has joined 'jerichoism'. ]**

**Hank: _ALRIGHT WHO INVITED THIS PRICK_**

**Conan:** That would be me, Lieutenant.

 **Robo-Cop:** Oh.

 **Robo-Cop:** Hello, Gavin.

 **Gavin:** well  _fuck_ why didn't you tell me plastic detective and hank was here, nines

 **Conan:** I knew you wouldn't join if you knew they were here, so I didn't say anything.

 **Conan:** Also, it's Conan, now, and Connor is my brother now. 

 **Gavin:** oh my god i can't believe this jesus Christ. so that plastic bitch is your brother now?

 **North:** _excuse me but are we gonna have a problem?_

 **Simon:** i swear to god. if this ends up with a sad connor or conan, i'm gonna find you and slap you gavin. i don't even know who you are but don't even think of hurting those boys.

 **Hank:** ^^^^^

 **Gavin:** _am i surrounded by more plastics now, conan_

 **Conan:** Yes, Gavin. Welcome to jerichoism hell.

 **Hank:** there's no escape from this hell, gavin. get comfortable cause you'll have to deal with these androids.

 **Gavin:** _how do i leave._

 **Robo-Jesus:** You can't.

 **Gavin:** oh my god. i hate it here already. also who are you

 **Robo-Jesus:** Markus.

 **Gavin:** you mean the one who lead the android revolution? well damn you sure are robo-jesus.

 **Josh:** He sure is.

 **Gavin:** i backread, do androids even gay?

 **Hank:** good question

 **Robo-Cop:**... I am afraid I cannot answer that question.

 **Simon:** it is a mystery

 **Gavin:** well it definitely looks like simon and markus are gay

**[ Robo-Jesus has logged out. ]**

**Gavin:** _HAHAHAHA HOLY SHIT_

 **Simon:** omfg north is gonna kill me for sure now

 **North:** you bet

 **Hank** **:** the rumor come out, does markus is gay?

 **Robo-Cop:** That is a question only Markus himself can answer, Lieutenant.

**[ Robo-Jesus has logged on. ]**

**Robo-Jesus:** I'm straight

 **Josh:** yeah, straight as a noodle. straight until it gets wet 

 **Simon:** you weren't straight yesterday

**North: _oh my god you guys._**

**Conan:** I'd say we believe Markus is straight until he actually states he's gay.

 **Robo-Cop:** Or bi.

 **Gavin:** shut up no one asked you

 **Robo-Cop: :** (

**Hank: _gavin im going to cut you._**

**Simon:** IS CONNOR ACTUALLY SAD

 **Conan:** Yes.

 **North:** okay looks like it's time for someone to die

 **Gavin:** _IM A BAD BITCH YOU CAN'T KILL ME_

**North: _oh damn vine references_**

**Simon:** you're still on thin ice, gavin

 **Gavin:** damn im surprised you androids know memes.

 **Josh:** A few of us do. The others are still learning.

 **Hank:** conan and connor do not know what memes are and i could not be more disappointed in them.

 **Hank:** they're learning every day though so i couldn't be more proud of them.

 **Robo-Jesus:** So are you proud of them or disappointed in them?

 **Hank:** both

 **Robo-Cop:** Thank you, dad! 

 **Gavin:** oh my god lieutenant did connor just call you d ad

 **Hank:** yes, i may have adopted them, but who said i adopted them in a father/son way

 **Conan:** Lieutenant, so what you're saying is... You have adopted us in not a child way, but more of... a domestic housepet way? Like a dog?

 **Robo-Cop:** I like dogs!

 **Hank:** we know you do, connor

 **Robo-Cop:** ^w^

 **Josh:** protect this boy and his brother. it is law here that no one should ever make them sad or cry

 **Gavin:** so i can't screw with connor or conan anymore? damn thats wack 

 **North:** gavin if you ever make connor sad again i swear to god i will find you and i won't hesitate to shoot you

 **Robo-Jesus:** As much as I agree with this rule, we are  _not_ murdering anyone, North

 **North:** _fiiiiiiiiine mom_

 **Gavin:** i'd like to see you try

 **North:** _**you really wanna try me** _

**Simon: _NORTH GOD DAMN IT_**

**North: _F I N E_**

**Hank:** damn that wouldve been a good fight

 **Conan:** Do not encourage them, Hank.

 **Josh:** Please don't.

 **North:** i'll get you one damn day, gavin, i swear to god

 **Robo-Jesus:** Not on my watch, North.

 **Gavin:** bet i'll beat ur plastic ass

 **North:** _one day, gavin._

 **Robo-Cop:** How about we... not fight?

 **Robo-Cop:** Please?

 **Simon:** knowing north its probably gonna never gonna pass her by that simply, its impossible to stop once it's started

 **Simon:** so you're pretty much screwed, gavin

 **Gavin:** nah more like north is

 **North:** i will  _c u t    y o u_

 **Gavin:** _t r y   m e_

 **Gavin:**  anyways back onto the topic of gay androids. is it possible, im serious

 **Conan:** Why don't we ask Kamski?

 **Hank:** no

 **Robo-Cop:** I'd rather not...

 **Josh:** Why not?

 **Robo-Cop:** The last time Lieutenant and I went to ask Kamski questions about the androids and deviancy during the android revolution period, he wanted me to shoot another innocent android if we wanted to get answers from it...

 **Simon:** oh damn

 **North:** and what did you do?

 **Robo-Cop:** I didn't shoot her. I couldn't shoot her. 

 **Hank:** and i'm still proud of you for that, connor

 **Gavin:** so no asking kamski. how about we ask the two possibly-gay androids themselves?

 **Conan:**... Simon and Markus?

 **Gavin:** you got it, nines

 **Josh:** Simon I'm pretty sure we all know you're gay.

 **Simon:** im not

 **North:** simon for rA9's sake just come out of the   _d a m n   c l o s e t_  already

 **Simon:** fine, im gay, okay?? there you have it

 **Josh:** Eeeeeeeeehh I'm pretty sure all of us knew.

 **Robo-Jesus:** It was obvious from the start, Simon.

 **Gavin:** hell i've never met you in person but i could already tell you're gay, simon

 **Simon:** damn it

 **Robo-Cop:** What about you, Markus?

 **Robo-Jesus:** I'm... no comment...

 **Conan:** Please tell us, Markus. You can trust us.

 **Hank:** yeah, except gavin. 

 **Gavin:** well fuck you too, hank

 **North:** god damn just tell us markus. you gay or what???

 **Josh:** Simon already came out, so you might as well too.

 **Simon:** markus ur great but if u dont come out ur a p u s s y

 **Simon:** and you also leave me hanging

 **Robo-Jesus:** I'm... bi I guess.

 **Gavin:** fina-fucking-lly.

  **Gavin:** that answers one of my questions

 **Conan:** One of them?

 **Gavin:** i have another one

 **Robo-Cop:** What is it?

 **Gavin:** _does markus is gay for simon_

**[ Robo-Jesus has logged out. ]**

**Hank:** _THIS IS THE THIRD DAMN TIME OH MY GOD_

 **Simon:** bet, markus is probably a bright shade of blue rn

 **North:** i checked on him and he s u r e is. also his systems are slowly overheating

 **Simon:** it's my turn to help markus so he doesn't burst into flames

 **North:** but im his girlfriend

 **Simon:** _move, i'm gay_

**[ Simon has logged out. ]**

**North:** _you better not steal my D A M N    B O Y F R I E N D_

 **North:** im gonna follow him to make sure he doesnt steal markus. if he does ima cut a ho

**[ North has logged out. ]**

**Josh:** I should probably make sure North actually doesn't kill someone... I better take my leave too.

**[ Josh has logged out. ]**

**Gavin:** jesus christ im surprised they actually all get along.

 **Robo-Cop:** I guess that their differences is what brings them together. North is all about violence, Josh is all about aggressive peace, Simon's more of a risk-taker, and Markus is more of a pacifist, so that all brings them together. That's just my impression of them, however.

 **Hank:** i'd say those are some damn good points, connor

 **Conan:** I agree.

 **Gavin:** yeah yeah whatever. ig we all might as well be off, so im gonna be off too. i'll probably be here tomorrow because i'm stuck here anyways

 **Hank:** alright, fuck you gavin

 **Gavin:** glad the feeling's mutual

 **Conan:** Goodbye, Gavin.

 **Robo-Cop:** Have a good day, Gavin!

 **Gavin:** alright fine thanks i guess. cya you shits

**[ Gavin has logged out. ]**

**Hank:** i dont feel like staying on here, maybe you two can just talk for a bit together. have fun i guess

**[ Hank has logged out. ]**

**Robo-Cop:** See you, dad!

 **Robo-Cop:** Oh, he logged out already.

 **Conan:** Yes. So we might as well talk a bit more, like Hank said. Where shall we start first?

 **Robo-Cop:** Our favorite animals! I like dogs~☆

 **Conan:** Dogs are a favorite, but I must admit that I like cats a bit more.

 **Robo-Cop:** ^w^ ♡

 **Conan:** Sometimes, I feel like I am lucky to have you as my 'brother', Connor.

 **Robo-Cop:** Me too, Conan! ☆

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HEY IF ANY OF YALL WOULD LIKE TO ILLUSTRATE ANY OF THIS TRASH THAT I WOULD MAKE THAT WOULD BE JUST. YES.  
> anyways, yeah, more gay this chapter and GAVINNNNNN  
> i hope u liked this one, more is definitely coming! i am SO HECKING HAPPY EVERYONE LOVES THIS WORK ALREADY!!! thank you to all of my supporters already, i'm so glad to know everyone reading this enjoys it already ♡  
> -cream ☆


	3. 3 - This House Is A Mess

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this chapter is gonna be absolute chaos. for some context as to how the H E L L connor gets drunk, lets just say, cyberlife allows an upgrade for androids to get drunk and connor, obviously wanting to also be hank's drinking buddy now too, decides to get drunk with hank one night. since this boy has O B V I O U S L Y never touched a drop of alcohol, he overdoes it a bit (a bit is an understatement so not really) and gets absolutely shitfaced. so yeah, drunk connor.

**[ DECEMBER 12TH, 2038, 01:32:49 AM ]**

**[ Robo-Cop has logged on. ]**

**Robo-Cop:** ahhagbkg wohw tje world is spinnign jesusu chridst

**[ Conan has logged on. ]**

**Conan:** Welcome back, Connor. How was the trip to the bar?

**Robo-Cop:** hjhhh i drank a lto and jeusus christ yttjhjt

**Conan:** Connor, are you alright? Did you drink too much alcohol?

**Robo-Cop:** amsmbf mayeb

**[ Gavin has logged on. ]**

**Gavin:** oh shit lmao has connor gotten absolutely shitfaced

**Conan:** Unfortunately, it'd seem so... I'd better go make him rest.

**Gavin:** nonono let him go for a bit i wanna see what he does

**Robo-Cop:** im gogna catxh all the deveiants

**Conan:** But, Connor... you are a deviant yourself...

**Robo-Cop:** whsys what no im jot imd not deveuijent

**[ Simon has logged on. ]**

**Simon:** did connor get drunk

**Gavin:** yep, and im having a stroke trying to read his sentemces but also dyign of laughter

**[ Robo-Jesus has logged on. ]**

**Robo-Jesus:** what is everyone still doing awake at this hour?

**Robo-Cop:** hshhajha heello markuss

**Robo-Jesus:** oh god damn it is connor drunk.

**Robo-Cop:** imt not drujrnk

**Simon:** your spelling says otherwise

**Conan:** Please, brother. Get some rest, I beg of you. You definitely cannot attend work hungover tomorrow.

**Robo-Cop:** bbfut im ur odler brother ud canf twll me what to sdo i do whats i wanrnt

**Robo-Jesus:** i do not even know what he's saying.

**Simon:** i think hes saying something about being older than conan techmichally and how he cant tell connor what to do, lmaoo

**Gavin:** ooooooh shit nines you got told off by your big brother jjshdhwjs lmao

**Conan:** I do not care. Please, Connor. Rest, I am worried about you.

**Robo-Jesus:**  we all are, connor. please, rest.

**[ North has logged on. ]**

**North:** whatre yall doing awake at thhis time my chatroom notifications keep buzzing

**Simon:** connor got drunk, we're trying to get him to rest

**Robo-Cop:** fgMfck you all im nto drunk

**Conan:** You say otherwise.

**Conan:** I checked his alcohol levels. He has taken in 1.5 times of the level of alcohol he is supposed to, he is... very intoxicated right now. 

**Simon:** jeeeesus christ connor

**Gavin:** how in the fuck did connor get drunk anyways

**Conan:** There was a recent update from Cyberlife that allows us to drink alcohol and experience the side effects, and Connor obviously took that update. I didn't, but I am storing it in my update archives if I would like to use it.

**Gavin:** alright yeah blah blah blah get to the fucking point conan

**Conan:** No need to be so hostile, Detective Reed. He went drinking with Hank tonight for the first time, and he may have overdid it with the drinks. So this is where we are now.

**Robo-Cop:** noono i didnt ovetdo it i dmrnsank just withtin my alchvohol lebeles i swear conans ur luyign

**Robo-Jesus:** what was his alcohol level?

**Conan:**  20 ounces. He was only supposed to drink about 13 ounces.

**North:** oh damn

**Simon:** jesus christ connor go to sleep you're absolutely fucked up

**Robo-Cop:** no i do what i wnsnat, scr ew yoausl all i hatev you all

**Gavin:** this is priceless omfg im laughin so hard im crying

**Conan:** This is no laughing matter, Gavin.

**[ Josh has logged on. ]**

**Josh:** It kind of is... It's kind of hilarious to see Connor like this.

**Robo-Cop:** bbtich leik what,?,? 

**Robo-Jesus:**  he's more vulgar than usual.

**Gavin:**  just like his father omg lmao

**North:**  omg you're right though gavin

**Simon:**  that's surprising

**Gavin:**  shut up im always right

**Robo-Cop:**  yheh sur e u ashhjole youer never rihgt

**Conan:**  Connor, please. Do not pick a fight with Gavin.

**Gavin:**  no its fine, this is a pathetic af attempt and its hilarious im trying not to cry of laughter at 1 am

**Robo-Cop:** i" ll show u pathetdtic sufhebfje

  **North:** oh man this should get interesting

**Robo-Jesus:** please, north, do not support this

**Josh:** Yeah, let's not actually make Connor pick a fight with Gavin for real.

**Simon:** this is amusing af tho lmaoooo

**Robo-Cop:** stststop laufhfibg at me i wnat you all to fight  me

**Conan:** Connor, no.

**Robo-Jesus:** he's like an angry kitten.

**Simon:** puppy*

**Gavin:** conan's more of the angry kitten lmao

**Conan:** Shut up, Detective Reed... Can we all put Connor to bed now? We all need rest for work tomorrow, and I'm pretty sure the Jericrew needs rest too.

**Josh:** Jericrew? Is that what we're called now? Sounds cool.

**Simon:** sounds lit

**North:** indeed

**Robo-Jesus:** Maybe I should look after Connor a bit more... Conan, you get some rest.

**Conan:** I cannot just leave Connor here without me, especially in such a drunken state. If he is staying for a little while longer, I will stay for a little while longer.

**Gavin:** if u say so, imma go sleep bc if i continue watching this im gonna pass out from laughing too hard lmaoooo goodnight you shits

**[ Gavin has logged out. ]**

**Robo-Cop:** nnOn fjgufk ypu gavin,, IM NGOGT GOIMD TO RESY I ODNTN NEED REYSST

  **Conan:** Technichally, yes, but, you will eventually run out of power if you don't rest. The alcohol only makes it worse, Connor.

**Simon:** _why am i laughing hes not even c o n n o r_ _when hes drunk i shouldn't be laughign_

**Josh:** I'm pretty sure we're all trying not to laugh.

**Robo-Jesus:** as much as i know i shouldn't be laughing im still laughing.

**Robo-Cop:** sstPp LAUFHFIGN AT MmE 

**Conan:** This house is a fucking mess oh my god.

**North:** HOLY SHIT CONAN FJEHDUSVDS

**Simon:** OH MY  GOD IM WE A K MARKUS HELP

**Robo-Jesus:** did you fall off of your bed?

**Simon:** YEYSY IM LAUFHING WAY TOO HARD

**Robo-Jesus:** gavin would've been proud of conan if he was still here

**Robo-Cop:** _fFFuvjCK gaVbinb_

**Josh:** connor pleasw you're slowly killing us with laughter

  **Conan:** Please do not fuck Gavin

**North:** _I AM FUCKGIN DECEADSED OMG_

  **Robo-Jesus:** _i can't hold my laughter in anymore_

**Simon:** _IM PROUD OF YOU CONAN CJSBJDBAKC_

**Josh:** conan was right, this house is a mess and i love it

**Conan:** Oh. It appears that Connor has passed out... On the floor.

  **North:** oh shit is he okay lmao

**Conan:** Yes, just... Very, very intoxicated. Looks like he has fallen into an ethylic coma from the alcohol...

**Robo-Jesus:** i thought we couldn't pass out from drinking too much?

**Conan:** Yes, before the update. However, now, we're able to fall into an ethylic coma as soon as our systems detect too much alcohol has been consumed, or if we get too 'tipsy'. 

**Simon:** oh man this update actually sounds lit i wanna actually get drunk now

**Josh:** same

**Conan:** Drink responsibly, you guys. I will be off now, Connor is definitely gonna feel this hangover in the morning.

**[ Conan has logged out. ]**

**Simon:** hell yeah im gonna go get that update now so i can get drunk asf tomorrow, join me u guys

**[ Simon has logged out. ]**

**North:** yeah that sounds lit lets go 

**Robo-Jesus:** please don't get as drunk as connor, i'll be joining you.

**Josh:** ig im gonna get wasted tomorrow, lets go

**[ North has logged out. ]**

**[ Robo-Jesus has logged out. ]**

**[ Josh has logged out. ]**

 


	4. 4 - Headaches

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Conan has to act like the big brother as he tries to help Connor's hangover in the morning before they get to work.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this is not a chatlog this time just some pure connor and conan interaction YAAAY-- i needed to write something cute real quick bc i got braces today and my TEETH HURT SEND HELP-- i also cant eat anything like candy or chips anymore but mMm i'll test the waters. so yeah! have some conan and connor ☆  
> (also yeah they can eat and actually taste things in this fic shh,, and they can experience pain headaches and all that hangover stufd too shshshshhh,,,,,,,)  
> -cream ☆

**[ DECEMBER 12TH, 2038, 05:45:23 AM ]**

Connor slipped into consciousness, his eyelids fluttering open. As soon as he returned to his senses, he felt a headache hit him, and as he curled up into a ball under the covers, holding his head, the pain didn't stop, because as he moved his limbs, an aching pain rushed through them. He groaned, he felt like absolute trash right now. Why did he agree to go drinking with Hank that night? Why did he drink so much? He felt exhausted, and his everything hurt.  _Christ_ _,_ if this was what every hangover was going to feel like, he should probably consider not going wild on the drinks.

     Conan woke up shortly after, hearing the groan from Connor from the next room over. He sat up, taking a moment to fix his hair. He got out of bed and quickly walked over to Connor's room, creaking the door open in the slightest bit. "Connor?" Conan called through the crack in the door, being met with another groan from Connor and the faint noises of shuffling in his bed. "Hey, Conan... Come in..." He murmured, loud enough for Conan to hear. He walked into the room, looking over at Connor. His hair was ruffled and dishevelled, his room honestly looked like a mess, and Connor had turned to face the wall. Conan ran a diagnostic over him as he approached him. Fatigue, headache, limb pain, vertigo, christ, Connor was a  _mess._ He came to a conclusion that Connor was _definitely_ hungover.

     Conan sat down at the edge of his bed. "Connor, are you feeling alright? You seem like a mess..." Conan muttered, looking over at him. Connor turned back around once more, his brown eyes were tired as he looked up at Conan. "Well, isn't that obvious, Conan..." Connor chuckled weakly, earning a small chuckle from Conan. Connor soon groaned again, holding his head once more before flinching from his pain.

     "Ugh... God, how much did I drink last night, Conan?" Connor asked, his brows furrowed as his gaze drifted back up to Conan. "... Too much." Conan simply said. Connor chuckled again before staring up at the ceiling, tryinf to recall drunken memories of last night. "My god, what happened...?" He questioned, looking up at Conan. "You had drunkenly texted the group chat last night at 1 a.m. Gavin knows you were drunk too, we may have to expect that teasing from him today... You also passed out on the floor. I had to drag you to bed quite literally..." Conan explained. Connor groaned once more, not in pain, but more in embarassment. "Shit, I messed up..." Connor breathed, his face slightly flushing blue. Conan knew if he was embarrassed enough, he would swear. Which would be right now.

     "Anyways, enough lazing around... We might as well get ready for work." Connor looked back over at Conan, sitting up before his vision slightly distorted, another pain shooting through his systems, as he let out a cuss under his breath. "Connor, please. Rest a little bit longer, we still have some time before work." Conan commented, lying him back down. "Conan, please... I'll be okay, it'll go away soon... I can take care of myself..." Connor sighed, trying to sit back up. Conan's hand was firm on his chest, however, and Connor decided not to bother. "No, Connor. Rest." Conan said firmly, Connor was almost sure he was commanding him to do so, despite being the younger brother. "Fine... could I get something to eat...?" Connor asked, looking over at his twin. "Of course. What would you like?" Conan asked, tilting his head. "... Pancakes. Blueberry pancakes." Connor smiled. Conan chuckled. "Alright then... I'll go make some, just wait here." Conan chuckled a bit, as he turned and left the room. "What about Hank, Conan?" Connor called after him, and he could hear Conan call back, with slight amusement in his voice, "He'll be okay, Connor, he's  _Hank_ after all." Connor smiled a bit more at his comment. 

     While Conan was cooking, Connor had tried to at least get himself walking again. It was fairly hard and painful, because every time he tried to move, he felt like his limbs locked up in pain, and his dizziness and vertigo didn't make his balance any better. The first steps he took out of his bed, he had to hold onto the wall as support or else he would probably fall over. He made a mental note to  _not drink like it was the civil war and a doctor was coming to saw his legs off _next time. When he felt confident enough to at least not use the wall for support, he was okay! ...For the first few seconds. Shortly after he just fell down hard, ouch. He laid there, staring blankly ahead of him, having one of those moments where he's just dumbfounded by his own actions, like...  _"Why did I do that. Why did I think that was a good idea."_ That's really all he was thinking.

     This continued for a good 30 seconds before he decided to try to get up, propping himself up on his elbows as he tried to get up, hissing in pain as he felt shoots of pain shoot through his arms the most. He heard the sound of footsteps down the hallway as Conan quickly ran into his room, his LED cycling yellow and red. "Connor! I heard a thud, are you okay?!" Conan asked, looking over at Connor. "Does it look like it?" Connor asked him with a slight edge of amused sarcasm in his tone, however Conan didn't quite pick that up, only seeing it as some sort of hostility. "... No, sorry..." Conan muttered, walking over to Connor to help him. It took a few moments before Connor realized that Conan took it in a non-joking way. "Ah-- S-Sorry, Conan, I was just joking!" Connor stuttered, Conan chuckling nervously before helping up Connor.

     "How did you end up on the floor anyways..." Conan asked, sitting Connor back down on his bed. "I tried to stand and walked... it hurt... and I fell..." Connor admitted, feeling his aches and pains coming back to him. Conan's LED flashing yellow with worry. "Connor, you shouldn't rush it... If you don't feel okay, don't stand..." Conan sighed, and Connor could hear the slight scold in his voice. "Sorry, Conan." He sighed, looking up at his brother. Connor noticed the bit of pancake batter on his face, and Connor smiled, wiping it off with his hand. "You've got some pancake batter on your face, Conan. And I thought you were the cleaner little brother!" Connor chuckled, and Conan swatted his hand away, a bit embarrased. "Shut up, Connor." Conan huffed, and Connor laughed. "Anyways, I won't do it again. Yet." Connor smiled, and Conan chuckled. Connor soon smelled something unusual... like when Hank usually cooked. "... Is something... burning?" Connor asked, and Conan jumped. "AW F-- THE PANCAKES!" Conan ran out, and Connor couldn't help but laugh as he scrambled out. He laid down on the bed, trying not to mind the pain, thinking about how lucky he was to have Conan as a brother. He smiled, staring at the wall as he thought. _"I really must be lucky, having him as a brother..."_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hHahha shameless john mulaney reference. i love that story so much i stg,, anyways i loved making this chapter bc HhHHHhng i jus need pure conan and connor brotherly stuff,, i love that type of crap,,, sorry for no chatlog chapter i just wanted to make something pure ♡ i hope you enjoyed!


	5. Halloween Bonus - Skeleton War

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The skeleton war is coming.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HSJFJRJFHD IM SORRY I HAD TO. SPOOKY TIMES ARE COMING SO JOIN US IN THE SKELETON WAR. J OI N US ..... ITS COMING. anyways enjoy this crappy chapter for a halloween bonus yall, i love yall and im sorry for not updating in 374625353 years  
> anyways in this chaoter we got the skeleton war, halloween costume discourse, and gayness (as expected)!!  
> \- cream ☆

**[ OCTOBER 31ST, 2039, 03:42:33 PM ]**

**[ Gavin has logged on. ]**

**Gavin:** _it's coming_

**[ Conan has logged on. ]**

**Conan:** What is coming...?

**[ Robo-Cop has logged on. ]**

**Robo-Cop:** I think it's something relating to what Hank has been muttering lately...

**[ Hank has logged on. ]**

**Hank:** _PREPARE TO GET YOUR BONES RATTLED._

 **Conan:**  ????

**[ Simon has logged on. ]**

**Simon: _THE SKELETON WAR,,_**

**[ Robo-Jesus has logged on. ]**

**Robo-Jesus:** Simon, I'm sure it's nothing.

 **Simon:** markus.

 **Simon:** _m a r k u s._

 **Simon:** _THOUSANDS OF SKELETON COMRADES HAVE BEEN SLAUGHTERED IN THIS WAR, AND IT IS STILL HAPPENING TO THIS DAY_

 **Robo-Cop:** Wh

**[ North has logged on. ]**

**North:** MARKUS WE NEED YOU TO LEAD US IN THE SKELETON WAR

 **Gavin:** join us in the skeleton war or die

 **Gavin:** that applies to you two too, connor,, conan,,

 **Robo-Cop:** dear rA9 save me now.

 **Conan:** _not even rA9 can save us now, connor_

 **Hank:** join us in the skeleton war my sons

 **Conan:** Might as well...

 **Gavin:** _FUCK YEAH_

 **Robo-Cop:** i am deeply concerned for all of you.

 **Robo-Jesus:** ^^^

 **Simon:** one of us

 **Simon:**  one of us

 **Simon:** oNE OF US

 **Gavin:** ONE OF US

 **North:** ONE OF US

 **Hank:** _ONE OF US_

 **Simon:** **_ONE OF US_ **

**Gavin: _ONE OF US_**

**Gavin: _O N E    O F    U S_**

**[ Josh has logged on. ]**

**[ Josh has logged off. ]**

**Robo-Jesus:** There goes Josh.

 **North:** _JOIN US MARKUS_

**Simon: _PLE A S E_**

**Robo-Jesus:** _W h y_

**[ Josh has logged on. ]**

**Josh:** this chatroom is already so cursed.

 **Conan:** Okay, yes, there  _is_ the skeleton war, but doesn't this somehow perturbs to the day today...?

 **Robo-Jesus:** Halloween?

 **Gavin:** correction; spooky day

 **Hank:** _and it is also the skeleton war_

 **Robo-Cop:** _WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS SKELETON WAR?????_

 **North:**  watch your profanity child

**[ Robo-Mom has logged on. ]**

**Robo-Mom:** Happy Halloween, everyone!! ♡

 **Simon:** _join us in the skeleton war kara_

**[ Luther has logged on. ]**

**Luther:** Happy Halloween!

 **Luther:** Also, skeleton war...?

 **Robo-Cop:** I am just as confused as you guys are...

 **Robo-Jesus:** Some of us are actually  _very_ confused.

 **Robo-Mom:**?????? Is this what Ralph has also been muttering about??

  **Robo-Cop:**.  _Alright since when in the name of rA9 Ralph knew about the skeleton war--_

 **Luther:**  I honestly don't know. This... I don't know how to describe this. I just. I just don't know.

 **North:** its the skeleton war, you two

 **Josh:** _is everyone going insane or what_

 **Hank:** no u, prepare to get your bones rattled

 **Robo-Mom:** I think everyone  _is_ going insane.

  **Robo-Mom:** Anyways, aside from this...  _skeleton war_ everyone speaks of, what is everyone planning to go as for Halloween? It's always fun to dress up for Halloween!

 **Luther:** Alice has decided to go as a wizard this year.

 **Gavin:** honestly idfk,,,

 **Conan:** You'll see what we'll go as at the Halloween Party in the precinct, Gavin. :3

 **Gavin:** _dont use that face on me you lil shit._

 **Hank:** im not doing anything this year

 **Robo-Jesus:** Hmm... maybe I'll go as a werewolf this year?

 **Simon:** damn u stole my idea smh :pensive:

 **North:** _furries_

 **Robo-Jesus:** Why don't we  _both_ be werewolves though? Who says there can't be two?

 **Simon:** u right u right

 **Josh:** I might go as a vampire this year.

 **North:** im gon go as a devil hoe--

 **Gavin:** yalls costumes are so lame

 **Robo-Cop:** Who ever said me and Conan's costumes would be plain?

 **Gavin:** stfu i dont even know what you two are going as, probably something ridiculous

 **Robo-Cop:** :3

 **Gavin:** no

 **Conan:** _:333_

 **Gavin:** _why_

  **Hank:** jesus christ guys i dont know what you two are plotting but im scared

**Robo-Cop:** **_> :333333333_ **

**Robo-Mom:** Those all sound like cute costumes~ I'm excited to hear what Connor and Conan's costumes will be, too! Maybe Markus and Simon could have matching werewolf costumes too?

 **Josh:** uhhhh *cOUGHC OUGH HACK WH EE Z E* NOR  TH???

 **North:** ok fine im ok with it. just this once

 **Simon:** ok good my ass isn't getting speared

**North:** _but if you try anything i will spear you._

**Simon: _nvm_**

**Robo-Jesus:** How about we try to not kill Simon for once, North? He's not gonna try anything...

 **Josh:** Yeah we all know hes gay but he knows not to make a move on Markus when you're with him

 **Luther:** Okay, how about we just try to not  _threaten_ Simon at  _all?_

 **North:** cant promise that

 **Gavin:** yknow i kinda like your attitude. you actually seem p cool

 **North:** yeah alright okay youre cool too ig

**Conan:** _Gavin I thought we were partners_

**Gavin:** _CANT I COMPLIMENT SOMEONE WITHOUT YOU SAYING THAT_

**Robo-Mom:** Partners in... what way?

 **Hank:** ways more than one

 **Robo-Cop:** ^^^^

**Gavin:** _I HATE YOU ALL_

**Robo-Mom:** Aw... How cute! ♡

 **Conan:** i may not seem like it but im dying inside.

 **Hank:** yooo he looks like a blueberry rn,,

 **Robo-Cop:** IS HE GOING TO OVERHEAT???

 **Gavin:** ITS NOT WHAT,,, YOU THINKW E'RE JUST NORMAL PARTNERS.... NO HOMO

**Simon:** _JUST ADMIT YOU'RE GAY_

**Hank:** _gay_ vin reed

 **Robo-Jesus:** The rumor come out: does Gavin Reed is gay??

 **North:** im gona  c r  y omg

**Josh:** _h o m o_

**Gavin:** _ITS NOT GAY IF YOU SAY NO HOMO_

**Conan:** I think he is, indeed, gay.

**Gavin:** _CONAN I WILL DECK YOU_

**Conan:** Androids cannot feel pain, Detective Reed. :)

**Gavin:** _YOU B I T C H_

**Luther:** I may not entirely know what's happening, but it's beautiful.

 **North:** it is.

 **Gavin:** i will slaughter you all in the skeleton war

**Robo-Cop:** _THERE IT IS AGAIN_

**Robo-Jesus:** you all are cursed.

 **Josh:** as if this chat wasn't already

 **Robo-Cop:** Detective Reed, Hank, how are you two still awake? It is almost 4 in the morning.

 **Hank:** o damn u right

 **Gavin:** well im about to pass out so ,, time to get like 2 or 3 hours of sleep haha goodnight you shits

 **Hank:** i should go sleep too im... exhausted,, from laughing too much and getting little to no sleeo

 **Robo-Cop:** Okay. Rest well!

 **Conan:** Rest well. Love you Gavin ;))

 **Gavin:** mmmm fuck you too

**[ Gavin has logged off. ]**

**[ Hank has logged off. ]**

**Robo-Mom:** In all seriousness, do you  _actually_ have feelings for Reed, Conan?

 **Conan:** Maybe, maybe not. Maybe I'm being serious, maybe I'm just toying with him.

 **North:** stop being so cryptid and COME OUT ALREADY

 **Robo-Cop:** He doesn't want to say it, so I'll say it for him! Yes, Conan  _does_ in fact hold romantic feelings for Detective Reed!

**Simon:** _fuckin called it_

**Robo-Jesus:**  We all did.

 **Josh:** Pretty sure we all saw it coming from a mile away

 **Luther:** As if it wasn't obvious.

 **Conan:** Eh. Gavin might find this when he wakes up, he might not. Probably the latter. But, yes, I do have feelings for him.

 **Simon:** gay rights gay rights gay rights gAY RIGHTS GAY R--

 **Robo-Jesus:** yes.

 **Robo-Mom:** Well... It has been fun talking to you all, but I think I should go now. Alice should be waking up for school soon. Goodnight, don't let the spooks get to you ☆ Glad to know that Conan wasn't messing with Gavin the whole time, I had always thought those two were cute!

**[ Robo-Mom has logged off. ]**

**[ Luther has logged off. ]**

**Robo-Cop:** Anyways, we should probably go too! Have a good day~ 

**[ Robo-Cop has logged off. ]**

**[ Conan has logged off. ]**

**Simon:** im just gonna stay up and meme with yall some more

 **North:** sounds like a plan

 **Josh:** yeah

 **Robo-Jesus:** Alright. Anyways, this skeleton war... I'm interested.

**Simon: _FUCK Y E A H YOU ARE._**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ahahaha this was fun :3c  
> im going as a female connor this halloween too so AINT THAT FUN!! uwu


	6. 6 - Show Some Restraint

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> At least show some self-control when Conan is around.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> what up losers im b a c k. nah jk you all arent losers i love you all!!! ♡♡ this chapter is just some reed900, simarkus, and just GAY IN GENERAL. honestly i hope this is good i started writi g this at 12 am snfnfkfjjs this chapter, conan breaks into gavins house and tries to show him some restraint on what he says because we all know gavin needs that shit, so who else would gavin listen to except for rk900?? so yeah. school has been murdering me and takes away my creativity sooooo snfksnfks im sorry  
> anyways here!!! i hope you like this chapter thats chock full of rainbows and gay!!!!  
> \- cream ☆

**[ DECEMBER 12TH, 2038, 06:25:57 PM** **]**

**[ Gavin has logged on. ]**

**Gavin:** _HAHA FIRST BITCHES_

**[ Conan has logged on. ]**

**Conan:** Why does it matter?

 **Gavin:** 'cause it just does

**[ Robo-Cop has logged on. ]**

**Robo-Cop:** It... does not affect anything, though...?

 **Gavin:** _shut up and let me have fun_

**[ Robo-Jesus has logged on ]**

**Robo-Jesus:** Well, last night was quite the experience...

 **Gavin:** did you do it

 **Robo-Jesus:** Do what?

 **Conan:** Detective Reed, do  _not_ say it or I will break into your house and take action upon myself.

 **Robo-Cop:** Like what kind of action, Conan?

 **Gavin:** yeah like what

 **Conan:** Would you like to see? Go ahead, say it.

 **Gavin:** did you do... the do??? the,, do????

 **Robo-Jesus:**.

**[ Robo-Jesus has logged out. ]**

**Robo-Cop:** Why has Conan left the house?

 **Gavin:** i dont know

 **Gavin:** _WAIT WHAT TBGE PFHUCK I HESRD GLASS SHATTERIGN DOWNSTAIRST SHOUDL I BE CONCERNED_

 **Robo-Cop:** Ohhh, I see...

 **Conan:** I'm here, Detective Reed.

 **Gavin:** _P A N I C_

**[ North has logged on. ]**

**North:** ooh shits gettin _real_

 **Gavin:** _WHAT THE LITERAL FUCK HES ONTOP OF ME HELP_

**[ Simon has logged on. ]**

**Simon:** yo last night was  _wild_

 **Gavin:** was it because djjfjbdjdkkeodkbm., xc .

 **North:** what

 **Robo-Cop:** I think that's Conan smothering Gavin with his pillows.

 **Gavin:** OKAY JESUS CHRIST CONAN DONT DO THAT AGAI N

 **Conan:** That is, if you don't do that again.

 **Gavin:** no promsifnjrnfg

 **Gavin:** _OK FUCK IM SORRY_

**[ Josh has logged on. ]**

**Josh:** jesus christ are you guys getting kinky down there

 **Gavin:** if you call conan literally pinning me by laying ontop of me and smothering me with pillows every 5 minutes kinky shit, then aight

 **Conan:** Trust me, I could do worse.

 **Gavin:** _am i supposed to be aroused or terrified???_

**[ Robo-Jesus has logged on. ]**

**Robo-Jesus:** Okay. To answer your question, no. Josh and Simon passed out, I was blacking out, and it turns out North had a higher alcohol tolerance than we expected. Before that, we were all drunk, and probably got a bit too wild. I woke up to the main area trashed this morning.

 **Robo-Cop:** Do you remember what you did when you got "wild"?

 **Robo-Jesus:** No. You guys?

 **North:** idfk dont ask me

 **Simon:** me neither

 **Josh:** I honestly have no idea either.

 **Gavin:** then you wouldve at least gotten down an dirty, case closeD OKAYS EJDESUS CHRIST CONAN STOP IM BEGGING YOU

 **Conan:** Then Beg.

 **North:** OMG IM GONNA CRY "THEN BEG" SNGIJRUFMG

 **Robo-Jesus:** Did he end up begging?

 **Conan:** Yes.

 **Robo-Cop:** I'm surprised you've managed to control Gavin this much. Maybe you should do this more often, Conan!

 **Josh:** Maybe he should.

 **Gavin:** fuck  _no_

 **Conan:** Maybe I should...

 **Robo-Jesus:** Anyways, where is Hank? Plus Kara and Luther?

 **Robo-Cop:** Hank was too hungover to really do anything today... I'm looking after him for the time being. Kara and Luther? They may be busy, continuing to settle into life in Canada... I am not entirely sure.

 **Simon:** damn looks like hank partied too hard

  **Robo-Cop:** Yeah, I'm pretty sure he did... Conan said he was passed out when he came to pick us up.

 **North:** thats lit

 **Robo-Jesus:** Is he okay?

 **Robo-Cop:** Well, he's  _Hank Anderson,_ he'll probably be okay.

 **Josh:** _probably._

 **Simon:** yeah he'll be okay

 **Conan:** Anyways, shall we all agree to try to not drink too much? We wouldn't wanna end up like..most of us who drank...

 **Robo-Cop:** It's a definitely in my case.

 **North:** _I LIKE GETTING **WASTED** I CAN PUNCH SOMEONE WHILE IM DRUNK AND GET AWAY WITH IT_

 **Gavin:** honestly m o o d

 **Josh:** north please

 **Simon:** if getting wasted means getting as wild as i want to be then hell yeah

 **Robo-Jesus:** _Why are you all like this_

 **Conan:** Maybe I'll have to keep an eye on Gavin too when he's out drinking...

 **Gavin:** _FUCK YOU I DONT NEED YOU WATCHING OVER ME LIKE I'M A BABY_

 **Conan:** Sure. You enjoy my presence. If you really hadn't, you'd had asked me to get off of you by now, and you always ramble to me about how much you appreciate me when you're drunk.

 **Gavin:** _sHSHDHHH SHUT THE FUCK UP_

 **Simon:** holy shit what a g a y power move

 **Josh:** honestly its just gay. period.

 **North:** true, its almost as gay as simon

 **Simon:** bitch please that's gayer

 **Robo-Cop:** So when's the wedding?

 **Simon:** _im gonna cry connor omg_

 **Gavin:**  uhhh how about  _nEVER???_

 **Conan:** Do you not want to be my husband, Gavin?

 **Gavin:** YES

 **Gavin:** I MEAN,, NO?????

 **Gavin:** HOW DO I RESPOND TO THAT?????

 **Gavin:** _FUCK O   F  F_

 **Conan:** So you  _do_ want to be my husband?

 **Gavin:** _PERISH_

 **Robo-Jesus:** Couldn't be gayer.

  **Josh** **:** honestly mood

 **Simon:** definitely gayer than me

 **North:** honestly i have no idea what gay hell this chatroom has descended to but i love it

 **Simon:** _m o o d_

  **Robo-Cop:** Do you plan on staying over there, Conan?

 **Conan:** If Gavin doesn't seem to show any self-control, then yes.

 **Gavin:** self control my ass

 **Josh:** three

 **Josh:** two

 **Josh:** one

 **Gavin:** JESUS CHRIST CONAN CAN YOU STOP IT WITH THE PILLOWS

 **Conan:** :333

 **Gavin:** _OH FOR FUCKS SAKE_

 **Robo-Cop:** So you _are_ staying over for the night?

 **Conan:** Highly likely.

 **North:** ,,,, thats kinky

 **Gavin:** _SHUT UP NORTH_

 **Simon:** ;))))))

 **Gavin:** i hate you all so much

 **Conan:** Including me, Detective?

 **Gavin:** _ESPECIALLY YOU_

 **Robo-Cop:** Stop lying to yourself, Gavin.

 **Robo-Jesus:** ^^^^

 **Josh:** embrace the gay, gavin

 **Simon:** _gay_ vin reed

 **North:** YES BITCH YES

**[ Conan has changed Gavin's nickname to 'Gayvin Reed' ]**

**[ Gayvin Reed has changed his nickname back to 'FUCK YOU** **' ]**

 **Conan:** Would you like me to?

**[ FUCK YOU has logged out. ]**

**Simon:** IMF UCKIGN WEAK

**[ FUCK YOU has logged on. ]**

**Robo-Jesus:** _That's how it feels_

 **FUCK YOU:** shUT  UP

 **Conan:** Do I really have to take measures into my own hands?

 **FUCK YOU:** how, by fucking some 'restraint' into me?

 **Conan:** _Bingo. ♡_

 **North:** holy shi _T HOLY SH I T HOLY SH_

 **Simon:** AODJFPVJLSJFIAHCONROjfosjfoqnBXKS

 **Josh:** THATS KINKY

 **Robo-Jesus:** ;)))))))))))))))))

 **Robo-Cop:** _AND THE CHAT GOES WILD_

 **FUCK YOU:** Im gonna fucking CRY

 **Conan:** _Oh, definitely~_

 **North:** WORDS CANNOT EXPRESS HOW MUCH I WANT TO SCREAM READING THIS RIGHT NOW THISHAS JDUT BECOME A GAY HELL

 **Simon:** _M E_

  **[ FUCK YOU has logged out. ]**

**[ Conan has logged out. ]**

**Robo-Cop:** Heeere we go,,,

**Josh:** _BUCKLE UP KIDS ITS HAPPENING_

**Robo-Jesus:** this. Just,, this.

 **Robo-Cop:** Anyways, fun's over :(( Still, it'll be fun to see Gavin and Conan at work tomorrow, hehehe

 **North:** yeah buddy u have fun tell us who topped

 **Simon:** obviously its conan

 **Josh:** who knows maybe they switch

 **Robo-Cop:** Definitely Conan by the looks of it. Anyways, have a great night you guys~

**[ Robo-Cop has logged out. ]**

**Robo-Jesus:**... I still think Conan tops.

**Josh:** _conan is a switch change my mind_

**North:** even if hes bottoming hes a power bottom

 **Simon:** yall lets just spend the night talking about who would probably be a top and who would be a bottom

**North:** _HELL YEAH_

**Robo-Jesus:** I'm calling it now, Connor is a bottom.

 **Josh:** no way hes also a switch

 **Simon:** god i love u guys so much


	7. Christmas Special - Jingle Your Bells

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> whAT UP JINGLE YA BALLS FOR CHRISTMAS OR ANY HOLIDAY IN GENERAL  
> and if u dont celebrate/enjoy christmas im sorry :^) i just had such a clever title i had to  
> anyways if u decide to stay 1. thank u and 2. honestly this was impulsively made but i still love it sbfihsjg  
> i also have a hc that ralph moved to canada with kara, luther, and alice a bit after the revolution!! bc we never know what happens to ralph but hopefully hes alive and happy after the best ending!!!!!!!!  
> anyways, i hope you enjoy!  
> -cream ☆

  **[ DECEMBER 25TH, 2038, 12:00:00 AM ]**

**[ FUCK OFF has logged on. ]**

**FUCK OFF:** _its time, get ready to jingle your bells_  

**[ Conan has logged on. ]**

**Conan:** Gavin, why are you still awake at this time?

 **FUCK OFF:** cuz i do what i want and its  _time_

**[ Simon has logged on. ]**

**Simon: _ITS T I M E_**

**[ Robo-Cop has logged on. ]**

**Robo-Cop:** Merry Christmas, everyone!!! ♡♡

**[ Robo-Jesus has logged on. ]**

**Robo-Jesus:** Merry Christmas! I hope you all will have a wonderful Christmas this year!!

 **Simon:** im gonna cry is this the most positive this chatroom will get

**[ North has logged on. ]**

**North:** HEY BITCHES ITS CHRISTMAS AND I JUST WANNA SAY I LOVE YOU ALL AND I APPRECIATE YOU ALL

 **Simon:** FUCK IM GONNA CRY I LOV YOU ALL SO MUCH TOO AND I HOPE YALL HAVE A WONDERFUL CHRISTMAS TOO

 **FUCK OFF:** miss me with that soft shit

 **Conan:** Gavin, since everyone is exchanging greetings, I might as well too. Merry Christmas ♡

 **FUCK OFF:** _NVM HIT ME WITH THAT SOFT SHIT_

 **[ Robo-Mom** **has logged on. ]**

**[ Luther has logged on. ]**

**Robo-Mom:** Merry Christmas everyone!!! I hope you have a wonderful Christmas, take this time to spend it with your loved ones ♡♡

 **Robo-Jesus:** All of my loved ones are here with me right now ♡

 **FUCK OFF:** dude thats gay

 **Conan:** As if you're not gay, Gavin.

 **FUCK OFF:** touché

 **Robo-Cop:** Anyways, who are you spending your Christmas with? I'm spending it with Hank and Conan~!

 **Robo-Mom:** It should be quite obvious as to who I am celebrating with!

 **Luther:** This is Alice's first Christmas with us in Canada, so me and Kara have done our best to make it the best for her!

 **North:** yalls are so pure im gonna cry

 **Robo-Jesus:** I'm going to spend mine with Simon, North, and Josh; and sincerely hoping it doesn't get out of hand.

 **Simon:** i lov you too markus fjanfkz

 **North:** MARKUS I LOV U!!!! 

**[ Josh has logged on. ]**

**Josh:** Hey guys!! Merry Christmas!!!

 **FUCK OFF:** im celebrating christmas alone bc h a h a who needs friends

 **Conan:** Gavin, that is not a good thing. You should at least spend a bit of time with someone during Christmas. It helps strengthen bonds and being around friends will make you happier.

 **FUCK OFF:** _i have no friends : >>_

 **Conan:** _What am I to you, then?_

**FUCK OFF: _I WAS NOT EXPECTING THAT IM SO SORRY_**

**North:** god DAMN gavin just make yourself happy

 **FUCK OFF:** UM??? I AM 100% HAPPY ALONE??? I THINK...????

 **Robo-Cop:** Yeah, you  _think._

 **Luther:** Gavin, they are right. You should spend Christmas with your friends, it's never really a good thing to celebrate it alone when you're supposed to spend it with friends and family.

 **Simon:** plus its just straight up fun!! ☆

 **Conan:** Why not celebrate Christmas with me, Connor, and Hank?

 **FUCK OFF:** as  _fucking if_

 **Robo-Cop:** Come on, Gavin... Just give it a chance, please?

 **FUCK OFF:** ok sure i guess im only saying yes bc this chatroom will murder my ass if i say no

 **Josh:** you bet we will

 **Conan:** Good. I will inform Hank about this too.

 **Robo-Mom:** So now that's out of the way, I'm glad that everyone is celebrating with someone special~! This Christmas will definitely be a great year!

**[ Hank has logged on. ]**

**Hank:** 1\. merry christmas ig, 2. i know its christmas but its 12 fuckign am, 3. since when was gavin invited to our christmas party

 **Robo-Cop:** Gavin had no one to celebrate with, so he's celebrating with us!

 **FUCK OFF:** it's nothing big, really

 **North:** wowowowo tsundere gavin strikes

 **Simon:** FUCK YEAH I GUESSED IT GAVIN IS A TSUNDERE PAY UP JOSH

 **Josh:** FUCK

 **Robo-Jesus:** Did you guys  _really_ bet on that?

 **FUCK OFF:** i fucking hate you all

 **Hank:** we love you too bitch

 **Robo-Mom:** Um, do you guys mind if I invite one of my close friends? He is certainly excited for Christmas, and he has also wanted to join this chatroom for a while...!

**[ Hank has sent an image. ]**

  **Hank:** be my guest

 **Robo-Mom:** Great! I'll invite him soon!

 **Robo-Jesus:** What is the context of that image.

 **Simon:** i cant believe you dont fuckign know this meme markus

 **Simon:** ur still so valid dont get me wrong but m a r k u s

 **North:** smh im disappointed markus

 **Robo-Jesus:**?????????

**[ Ralph has joined 'jerichoism'. ]**

**Hank:** how long has that been our fucking chatroom name

 **Simon:** _WE'RE NEVER FUCKING CHANGIGN IT BC I LOV IT SO MUCH_

 **Robo-Mom:** Everyone, meet Ralph! He was the one I invited!

 **Luther:** Kara met Ralph when seeking shelter for her and Alice to stay in. 

 **Ralph:** Hello!! Ralph is excited to meet you all!!! Kara said that all of you are very nice!!! o(〃＾▽＾〃)o

 **Robo-Cop:** :00 RALPH!!

 **Josh:** im gonna cry yo he uses kaomoji

 **North:** _fucking keep this boio pls i already lov him_

 **Simon:** ive only known ralph for 5 seconds but i already love him

 **FUCK OFF:**????? THIS BITCH WHOLESOME IM WEAK

 **Ralph:** aaaaaAAA!! (/□＼*)・゜

 **Robo-Jesus:** Welcome to the chatroom, Ralph!

 **Conan:** Hello, Ralph.

 **Hank:** what up

 **Ralph:** Does everyone really love Ralph that much...? Ralph loves you all too!!!! ♡✧( ु•⌄• )

 **Simon:** _WE FUCKING LOVE YOU TOO RALPH_

 **Robo-Mom:** See, Ralph? Everyone loves you!!

 **Ralph:** Yes, yes!! Kara is right, and Ralph is glad!! ☆*:.｡.o(≧▽≦)o.｡.:*☆

 **North:** i just wanna say i'd die for ralph

 **Josh:** me

 **FUCK OFF:** honestly  _me fucking too_

 **Robo-Cop:** I'm pretty sure all of us would die for Ralph, lol

 **Hank:** i never thought id be fucking saying this but can we adopt this boy

 **Luther** **:** Ah, well... Ralph's also kind of me, Kara, and Alice's family! He's like the big brother to Alice...!

 **Ralph:** Oh... Ralph appreciates it, he really does! But... But Ralph would not like anyone to die because of him, no. (・・;)ゞ

 **Robo-Jesus:** What they're trying to say is that they like you so much already, they'd protect you at all costs.

 **Ralph:** Oh. Ohh!! Ralph gets it!! (⌒▽⌒)☆ Ralph is so grateful that everyone would like to protect Ralph!!!! He feels so..  so loved!!!!! (*≧ω≦*)

 **Conan:** Of course, Ralph. We're all willing to love you unconditionally and protect you here.

 **Robo-Mom:** Exactly. Even though it may seem a bit... wild in this chatroom sometimes... we're all still friends at the end of the day!

 **Ralph:** RALPH LOVES YOU ALL!!!!!!!!! (/^-^(^ ^*)/ ♡ Ralph is hoping you all have happy holidays!!! 

 **FUCK OFF:** i am not one to say this shit but fuck yeah i am you're making me cry bc you're just so wholesome

  **Ralph:** Oh...! Ralph is happy that he can make everyone happy!! He hopes he can make everyone happy like this in the days to come!!! (*•̀ᴗ•́*)و ̑̑

 **Robo-Cop:** I mean, of course, Ralph! Can't you see how many people you're making happy?

 **Hank:** aka  _all of us_

 **Robo-Jesus:**  I cant stop smiling whenever Ralph sends a message,,,,

 **Conan:** Me too, really.

 **Ralph:** (*/ω＼*)!!!!! Ralph can't stop smiling either!!! He is very, very happy that everyone loves him!!!!!!!!!

 **Luther:** We're glad you're happy too, Ralph!

 **FUCK OFF:** honestly i fucking love ralph conan im leaving you

 **Conan:** Um... what?

 **Ralph:** No no no!!! Please do not leave Conan for Ralph!!!! Conan deserves you more than Ralph!!!!!! ∑(;°Д°)

 **FUCK OFF:** _RALPH I WAS JOKIGN BUT WHY ARE U SO FUCKING WHOLESOME_

  **Conan:** Ah, good. I would be genuinely sad if you left me...

 **FUCK OFF:** _babe im just kidding im sorry_

 **Conan:**... did you just call me babe

 **FUCK OFF:** FUCK

 **Ralph:** Ohhh... Ralph thinks that is so cute!!! (*≧▽≦)

 **Robo-Cop:** waitwaitwait SO YOU GUYS ARE SAYING YOU TWO WERENT ALREADY DATING SINCE THAT DAY?????

 **North:** its called friends with benefits hon

 **Simon:** and i thought you two were official, smh 

 **Robo-Mom:** Wait... 'that day???'

 **Luther:** I think it'd be best not to ask...

 **Ralph:** What was 'that day'?? Ralph wants to know!! ( -_・)?

 **Hank:** i backread to that day and FUCK i was hungover that day i shouldve been there

 **Josh:** _ralph honey dont ask_

 **Ralph:** Aw... but Ralph wants to know...! (｡•́︿•̀｡)

 **Robo-Cop:** It'd be best for you  _not_ to know, Ralph--

 **FUCK OFF:** CAN YALL SHUT UP THAT WAS A MISTAKE

 **Hank:** r/OopsDidntMeanTo

 **FUCK OFF:** NEKFJTKKDJSKDJJD

 **Simon:** r/QuitYourBullshit

 **FUCK OFF:** IM GONNA DIE

 **Conan:** I hope not. I would like to keep you with me, Gavin. So we can spend time together on Christmas,  _babe._ ♡♡♡

 **Josh:** OOH

 **Josh:** _O O O H_

 **Ralph:** Aaaaaa how cute!!!! （ﾉ｡≧◇≦）ﾉ

 **FUCK OFF:** ,,,, fucking smooth bitch FINE

 **Hank:** oh shit its getting gay again

 **Robo-Cop:** Well, I'm glad that you two are official now!

 **Robo-Cop:** _However, Gavin, if you hurt my little brother in any way I will not be afraid to chop your dick off. ( >3•) ~♡ Take care of Conan!_

 **FUCK OFF:** o

 **FUCK OFF:** okay--

 **Hank:** honestly same for me if u hurt conan i will not be afraid to put a bullet through your head

 **Ralph:** Ah, um... Ralph wants to ask if we can... stop wishing death upon Gavin?? (,,꒪꒫꒪,,)

 **North:** just letting u know we have an unwritten rule in this chatroom which is whoever hurts the twins will be killed immediately

 **Josh:** ur on thin fucking ice gavin

 **Ralph:** (๑•﹏•),,,

 **Ralph:** Ralph wants to change the subject...? Ralph is hoping you all have happy holidays once more!!! Ralph is also happy to be here to make everyone happy!!! (๑・ω-)～♥”

 **Robo-Jesus:** We all love you too, Ralph, and we're hoping you have a happy holiday with Kara, Luther, and Alice too. 

 **FUCK OFF:** ok can i sleep now before i get fucked over any more

 **Conan:** Alright. Goodnight, babe~♡

 **FUCK OFF:** fucc you

**[ FUCK OFF has logged out. ]**

**Conan:** Love you too, Gavin, lol

 **Hank:** if u couldnt tell already im tired as shit so im gonna go sleep now too

 **Robo-Cop:** Night, Hank!! ♡♡

 **Conan:** Rest well, Hank.

 **Hank:** gnight sons

**[ Hank has logged off. ]**

**Robo-Mom:** We should all probably rest, if we're going to celebrate soon! I'll be logging off now, happy holidays!

 **Luther:** Rest well, and happy holidays!

 **Ralph:** That means Ralph needs to go too! Ralph loves you all, and hopes all of you have happy holidays!!!! ღゝ◡╹)ノ♡

**[ Kara has logged off. ]**

**[ Luther has logged off. ]**

**[ Ralph has logged off. ]**

**Simon:** ,,,, we staying up and partying?

 **Robo-Jesus:** Yes.

 **North:** u bet ur sweet ass we are

 **Josh:** hell ye  s

 **Robo-Cop:** Can we join??? :00

 **Conan:** Connor, we should rest...

 **Robo-Cop:** C'mon, Conan!!! We should spend some time with friends too these holidays!!!

 **Conan:**... Okay, fine...

 **Robo-Cop:** So can we?? :33

 **North:** WELL FUCK  _YEAH_ YOU CAN

 **Robo-Cop:** Great!!! We'll try to make our way over right now!!!

 **Robo-Jesus:** Great. See ya there, you two.

 **Josh:** lets fuckin do this

**[ North has logged off. ]**

**[ Simon has logged off. ]**

**[ Robo-Jesus has logged off. ]**

**[ Josh has logged off. ]**

**Robo-Cop:** So what're we waiting for Conan? Let's go!!

 **Conan:** Fine... but I will be leaving a note to let Hank know we are gone.

 **Robo-Cop:** Fine, whatever!! Let's just go!!

**[ Robo-Cop has logged off. ]**

**[ Conan has logged off. ]**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> JUST IN TIME FOR THE HOLIDAYS BB. ralph uses kaomojis here and i would die for him. HAPPY HOLIDAYS!!  
> -cream ☆


	8. 8 - Nightmares

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Deviancy brings forth even the worst of emotions, even trauma. When you're an android who was a heavy part in the Revolution, of course you'd have nightmares.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WhEEE THIS IS JUST SOME SIMARKUS BC I .... HONESTKY HAVENT HAD ENOUGH SIMARKUS EVER SINCE REED900 CAME INTO MY LIFE LIKE???? I STILL LOVE THESE GAYS OK ...???? LET ME PARTAKE IN SELF-INDULGENT SIMARKUS-- anyways enough of my rambling onto the g a y comfort sorry for making you guys think im dead oops--  
> \- cream ☆

**[ JANUARY 1ST, 2039, 03:23:45 A.M. ]**

**[ This is a direct message conversation between Simon and Markus. ]**

**Simon:** Markus? Are you still awake?

 **Markus:** Yes, I am. I was about to rest, however. The New Year's party was fun, yet... exhausting.

 **Simon:** Shit, I'm sorry... I wanted to talk to you about something.

 **Markus:** What is it, Simon?

 **Simon:** Nothing. You can go to sleep now.

 **Markus:** Simon, you can talk to me...

 **Simon:** Are you okay with me venting to you...?

 **Markus:** I'm okay. You can talk to me about anything, Simon. Let it all out.

 **Simon:** Okay...

 **Simon:** So, you still remember that one time, during the Stratford Tower infiltration, I... I couldn't walk...?

 **Markus:** Yeah. What about it?

 **Simon:** I... I dreamt about it.

 **Simon:** When North said to kill me, I dreamt... you did it... You shot me and killed me, and left without me...

 **Simon:** Not only that, I... I've been dreaming about things similar to that, too...

 **Simon:** Like... Connor caught me on the Stratford Tower and... I had to kill myself to prevent him from finding Jericho but... he found you guys anyways and killed you all...

 **Simon:** Or that... I just got shot by one of the officers as we fled to the roof and just... died. Another being, you left without me, you didn't save me when I got shot, and left without me...

 **Simon:** My dreams are all terrifying, and... I always get scared... And it makes me wonder if I'm that much of a burden for me to die over and over and over again like that. 

 **Simon:** And these are only the  _Stratford_ _Tower_ dreams. I've had many more dreams where I died and you acted so cruel to me, leaving me to die, or anything else during the revolution. Speaking of, Markus,

 **Simon:** Do you think I'm a burden...? Do you think we would have been better off without me...?

 **Markus:** Of course not, Simon. You're not a burden. You're a part of the team. You're my best friend, too. You've been a big help during the revolution, and you are wonderful. Don't let yourself believe that you're a burden.

 **Simon:** Thank you, but...

 **Simon:** North told you to kill me on the Stratford Tower. She said it was to prevent them from finding info about Jericho, but... I feel like she just wanted me dead. Like I really was just an annoying thorn in you guys' side.

 **Markus:** You know that I don't want to kill anyone. You are my friend, my companion, and you still are. I couldn't kill you just because of some info on Jericho. I'd rather be caught with you, alive, rather than get away with you dead. 

 **Simon:** God, Markus... You've been so kind to me, I'm gonna cry... 

 **Markus:** Hey hey hey don't cry. I'm here, Simon. I would do anything for you.

 **Simon:** Too late, I'm already crying.0

 **Markus:** Do you want me to come over?

 **Simon:** If you want to...

* * *

Markus closed out of the chatroom window that appeared in his vision. He stood up from his bed, and made his way out of his room, heading down the hallway into Simon's room. He entered Simon's room, closing the door behind him. "Simon?" Markus called, and he saw Simon look up. Yep, he was definitely crying. Markus sat next to Simon on his bed. "Hey, Simon... Don't cry..." Markus muttered, moving his hand to wipe Simon's tears subconsciously. However, his wrist was pulled towards Simon by the mentioned android in a hug, Simon wrapping his arms around Markus' body in a tight hug.

"Markus... Markus why are you so nice to me... What have I done for you to be so nice to me... I don't deserve you..." Simon sobbed into his shoulder. Markus embraced Simon back. "Simon, you don't have to do anything. I would do anything for you, Simon, like I said. You deserve me. You deserve being my friend. You deserve happiness, you deserve freedom, you deserve a happy life, you deserve everything that's good. You don't even have to do anything to make me think that; all you can do is be yourself, all you have to do is be Simon. The one and only Simon that I know, the android who is more human than he thinks he is. All you have to do is be you to make me happy." Markus muttered. This only made Simon sob harder, burying his face further into Markus' shoulder. Markus only sat there, stroking his back and whispering reassuring words in Simon's ear.

After 10 minutes or so of just staying there, silent in a hug, Simon pulled away. He took Markus's hand, looking down and sighing. "I'm so sorry for making you come over here just to comfort me..." Simon muttered. "You don't need to apologize, Simon. And you didn't make me come over here; I did it because I decided on it. I came here because I wanted to comfort you." Markus spoke gently, using his free hand to slightly tilt Simon's head up to look at him. "... God damn it Markus, you always know how to twist my words to comfort me." Simon chuckled gently, bringing Markus's hand to his cheek and holding it there, closing his eyes into the contact for a moment before looking back at Markus.

"Markus, promise me one thing..." Simon's eyes locked with Markus' gaze, slightly tilting his head into Markus' hand he held. "Of course. What is it, Simon?" Markus asked. "... Please don't abandon me... Please..." Simon murmured. Markus was silent for a few moments, making Simon shift in his spot. "N-Nevermind, that was so out of the blue for me to ask and so selfish of me, I-I--" Before Simon could finish, Markus hushed him by placing a hand over his mouth. "Simon, shut up. It's not selfish of you to ask that. I never intended to from the start, and I never will. Okay?" Markus had started off with a bit of a stern tone, but it quickly softened until it was a warm, comforting voice. Simon looked up at him and started to cry again, pulling him into another hug. "God-- fucking damn it, Markus..." Simon chuckled through his tears, and Markus smiled, hugging him back.

"I can't say this enough, Markus... Thank you for everything you've done for me..." Simon spoke softly with a smile, pulling away from the hug. "One more thing to ask of you..." Simon looked up at Markus. "Whatever it is, of course I'll do it." Markus smiled back at him softly. "So you'll agree to take over the world with me?" Simon asked with a smug grin, and Markus couldn't help but laugh a bit. "Simon...!" Markus chuckled. "Okay, maybe not that-- we'll save that for another time." Simon added, causing another laugh to be drawn from Markus. "Okay, for real this time, can you uh... Stay with me for the night? If you don't mind? It's kind of awkward, I know, but... can you?" Simon asked, a pale tone of blue slightly dusting his cheeks. "That's something I can say of course to." Markus nodded.

"Alright, let's get a bit of rest... Does crying always make you feel this emotionally exhausted?" Simon asked, and Markus nodded. "Always does." Markus confirmed. "Screw emotions then, emotions are hard." Simon laughed a bit at his own comment, and laid down in his bed. "Anyways, goodnight Markus." Simon looked up at Markus as he got into bed with him. "Night, Simon." Markus smiled, laying down with Simon and pulling the covers over them.

"... No homo."

"Simon, you're  _gay._ "

"Touché."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hi this was gay and i loved writing it
> 
> small possible but not definite project teaser:
> 
> [easy R]: yAA yAA yAa MINNA GENKI  
> [ill-Doc]: please shut the fuck up


End file.
